Can’t stop listening to this one:
Don’t know if…
Don’t know if I want you to understand me
Don’t know if I want you to see through me
Or go
Let go.
I’m not the one that I pretend to be.
How much is friendship worth? For me – it’s invaluable. But I’m only human, weak creature guided by various needs. Desire of fulfillment, happiness or love. Put to the test, I fail. I’m weak.
I’ve betrayed, let down, hurt, and what’s worse – it’s not even the end of hurting. I’m afraid everything has just started. There will be more of that.
And I tried so hard.
I’m hopeless.
I’d like to scream, tell everything to the world but I can’t. I can’t.
I’m not the one that I pretend to be.
It’s not a secret what it is.
Every night I feel there’s something missing.
Every morning I wake up knowing I still don’t have it.
During every day I wonder if I will ever get it.
Maybe I don’t deserve it?
It’s amazing how people mess with one another’s heads.
One gesture, one word and sometimes even one glance can be enough. The worst is that sometimes you don’t even do it on purpose, but don’t be silly – nobody will believe you here. Sometimes it seems to you that you act as usual, you don’t treat anybody in a special way, but yet it’s different. And that’s when the madness begin. You are not aware of messing with somebody’s head and the next minute this person messes with your own head.
There’s no problem when there are no negative results of this messing-in-head thing, then nobody’s hurt. But if it’s on the contrary… You are both screwed. On the one side there is heart and on the other – reason. Sure, sometimes the selection is obvious but – unfortunately – it doesn’t mean that everything stops spinning and one of the sides (heart or reason) shuts up.
And it’s not about having second thoughts on the choice, but about questions “what if?…”. You can be sure you did a right thing but you will be wondering and that’s the hard part.
Maybe there are people who don’t wonder “what if?…”, I don’t know. But I envy.
